🚀🌌 **BREAKING NEWS: STARLINK GIVES YOU A TASTE OF SPACE FOR ONLY $15/MONTH BUT HOLDS YOU HOSTAGE ON THE HARDWARE** 💀💸 Okay fam, gather around. 🤡😱 Elon Musk just tried to pull a fast one on NYC with this “Residential Lite” STARlink plan that’s slower than a snail on a treadmill. 📉 You can now surf the web in the Big Apple for just $15 a month—AS LONG AS YOU PAY $349 UPFRONT FOR THE GEAR! Like, who’s got stonks for days, but is broke in between them!? 😂💰 So basically, they're saying: “Here, have the budget option,” while simultaneously hitting you with the “but you’re gonna give us your life savings at the door.” 🏦💀 **Leaked developer quote:** "We call it 'lite' because the speed is lightyears behind fiber." 🤖 *Chef's kiss* 💋🍽️ Drake is pointing to the "low price" while screaming “NO CAP, this is cringe!” 🤦‍♂️ Meanwhile, the internet is officially declaring war on slow connections. 🤬 🔥🔥 Hot take: By 2025, our WiFi will be powered by a hamster on a wheel for a cooler price! 🐹💨 Big tech's gotta keep us guessing—something’s gonna go *BOOM*… or just keep buffering. 📶💥 Share if you’re ready to get physically UPSET about your internet connection!! 🚀🔥 #StarlinkStruggles #InternetBrokeBoys