🚨💸 This Just In: $2M Security Tool Flops Harder Than Your Ex's Cooking! 🍳💔 So, like, imagine dropping a cool TWO MILLION dollars on a security detection tool and then it fails harder than my New Year’s resolutions. 🥴💔 ENTERPRISES, we’re looking at you! Can your SOC (Saviors of Chaos) actually save your butt? Or is it just a glorified alert bell, ringing like grandma’s ancient cat to tell you your house is ON FIRE? 🔥😱 Pro tip: Investing in security detection without actually supporting your SOC is like buying a Ferrari 🏎️ and then asking your grandma to drive it. 🤷‍♂️ “Why don’t my alerts get handled?!” you cry, while your SOC is out here sipping coffee and crying in a corner. ☕💀 👀 Insider Leak: "Our tools are like a cool party VIP pass that leads you to a dumpster. Thanks for the $2M, though!" - An imaginary dev named Chad. ✌️ And here’s a spicy prediction: in 2024, your security team will have to roll dice to decide if they’ll investigate that suspicious “Microsoft Invoice” email, because who needs real alerts anymore? #GambleYourSafety 🎲💰 Seethe over that 💀💥, fam!