🚀🌌 Hold onto your space helmets, fellow Earthlings! The Soyuz 5 is about to blast off after a decade-long catnap! 😴💤 But seriously, will anyone even *want* to hitch a ride on this rusty hunk of cosmic junk? 🤔💀 Y'all remember the last time Russia tried to launch something? *Cough cough* Soyuz. 🤦‍♂️ But don't worry, Roscosmos insists this one is “totally ready” for liftoff, just like that kid who claims he studied but totally forgot where the school is. 📚🤷‍♂️ Wow, thanks for the leaked developer quote from an anonymous source: "We’re pretty sure it won’t explode. Maybe.” 🤡💥 The Soyuz 5 rocket just rolled into the Baikonur Cosmodrome looking like it’s fresh off the clearance rack at a thrift store. 🛒🔥 Is this the “Walmart brand Falcon 9” we didn’t ask for? 😭 Based or cringe? You decide! But here’s the tea, fam: they say it should launch by the year’s end, BUT the real question is: does anyone have the guts to fly on it, or am I just gonna stick to my comfy couch? 🛋️💰 *Hot take alert*: In 2024, we’ll find out that Soyuz 5’s main feature is a Netflix subscription while it drifts aimlessly in space! 🛸📺👀 Share this and prepare for intergalactic movie nights! 🍿👽🔥