🚨🎧 BREAKING NEWS: SONOS TURNS TO TOM! 🚨🎧 Forget your boring Spotify playlists, this is the REAL audio drama, folks! 💀📉 So, Sonos just threw an absolute Hail Mary and named their interim CEO, Tom "The Titanic" Conrad, as the official Big Cheese 🧀 effective immediately! Why? Because their app was such a dumpster fire that even the firefighters were like, “Nah fam, I’m good.” 🔥🚒 But hey, let's give Tom a shot! He’s been at the wheel since January 2025 (seriously… future tech is wild, yo) 🤖🤯. I can already hear the marketing team: “We PROMISE, this time we’ll respect your ear canals!” 🤡 Leaked conversation from the boardroom: **Board Member**: “How do we fix this mess?” **Tom**: “Just tell them it’s ‘experimental audio’—they’ll eat it up like hotcakes.” 🥞💰 Now, all we need is for those Sonos speakers to stop sounding like they’re underwater 🤦‍♂️🌊. Confidence? Restored? More like confidence *seeping away like a broken speaker* - no cap. 🚀🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Within a year, I bet they rebrand as “The Speaker Company That Cries” – complete with a sad emoji logo. Stonks? More like sunk. 🤣📉💸