🚨 BREAKING NEWS ALERT 🚨: Snowflake just pulled the biggest power move since Drake ghosted that one ex! 💔💼💥 They just acquired Datometry, a database migration startup that’s basically the tech world’s answer to switching phone chargers—hardly exciting, but necessary for our sanity! 🔌💀 🚀💰 Snowflake’s got that databas$$$e energy, and they shelling out mad cash for this startup to help ‘port workloads’ between databases like they’re a high school football recruit! 📚🏈 Better hope Datometry's software is more reliable than your last Tinder date, fam! "We had multiple Fortune 500 customers," they say... okay, but can they handle the pressure when one of those Fortune 500s decides to shift to avocado toast? 🥑💸 And here’s the REAL tea 🍵: *leaked* developer quote: “Datometry is like the IKEA of databases. It looks easy, but you’ll definitely end up with something assembled incorrectly.” 😂🛠️ In conclusion, Snowflake acquiring Datometry is basically them going full “This is fine” while we’re all just chaos monkeys 🤡🐒 expecting REAL innovation. Hot take: Expect a future where database migrations are as smooth as a TikTok dance—no cap. Get ready to see Snowflake throwing shade at all the sluggish database solutions out there! 🌌🔥👀 #Stonks #TechChaos