🚀💰 SNAP JUST BOUGHT SATURN AND NO, WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE PLANET, FOLKS! 🚀💰 That’s right, your fave filter-happy photo app is now the proud parent of a calendar app for high schoolers! 🗓️😱 Because what every teen REALLY needs is another reason to ignore their homework and procrastinate like pros! 🤡💀 Rumor has it that Snap's CEO said in a leaked chat: “I mean, who needs focus when you can flex your calendar? 💯 Just imagine flexing your AP exam dates on Snapchat like it’s a new car! #stonks” Also, 80% of US high schoolers are *allegedly* attending schools that support Saturn. So basically if you're not using Saturn, you might as well be living in a cringy 2005 time capsule. 📅🤡 It’s like "This is fine" but for your GPA! 🔥💀 🚨 UNHINGED HOT TAKE ALERT: By 2025, your smart fridge will have more social clout than your high school principal. They’ll set up a Snapchat just to remind you to eat your veggies. 😂💵 So, prepare for your produce to go viral, fam! 🥦🤖 #ByeByeBoring Spread the chaos and let’s meme the universe! 🌌🔥