👾🎮💥 *BREAKING NEWS: I Skipped Every Single Death Stranding Cutscene & Lived to Tell the Tale* 💥🎮👾 Okay fam, before you @ me with your wild theories about post-colonial delivery boys and ghost whales, LET’S BE REAL. 😤 I blitzed through *Death Stranding* faster than a FedEx package during Black Friday. If you thought “Sandy Claws” memes were chaotic, wait till you hear about my cutscene-skipping escapade. 😂💀 So, you’re this dude named Sam who’s basically the ultimate babysitter for invisible ghosties. And yes, you read right: there are ⚡️pee grenades⚡️ and GUILLERMO DEL TORO (kinda) chilling in the game like “What’s poppin’?” 🙃 Just imagine Kojima pitching this at a party: “Yo, we got whales, but like, make them sad. Also, tar.” This is the *vibe* 🤡✨ But listen, I SKIPPED every cinematic masterpiece – feels bad for the voice acting legends, but no cap, I KNOW the vibes 💁🏻‍♂️. Now I'm ready to do it ALL AGAIN in the sequel without remorse! Stonks? More like *yikes* 💸. 🚀🔥 *Leak Alert!* Here's what our inside source (aka my cat) had to say: “If you skip the cutscenes, you’re basically speedrunning life, fam.” 😼💯 🔮💥 *Hot Take*: In the sequel, they should just make the whole game a 24/7 pizza delivery sim 🥴🍕—gameplay without the creepy ghosts? NOW that’s a masterpiece! *#JustSkipIt*