🚨 BREAKING: Space Stalking Gone Wild! 👀💫 Germany's defense minister, Boris "Big Boss" Pistorius, just dropped some spicy insider tea at the Space Congress in Berlin! ☕️💥 Apparently, Russia is pulling a classic villain move, stalking NATO satellites like a UFO-obsessed conspiracy theorist during a full moon! 🛸🌕 Boris is all like, "We need to get our spaceship game on—like, yesterday!" He’s calling for some "offensive capabilities" in space. You know what that means? Space battles are about to go from *Star Wars* to *Star Wars*: The Revenge of the Nerds edition! 🤖⚔️ But for real, let’s break this down: Germany might just turn into the next intergalactic powerhouse, all while Russians are practicing their best “I see you” face from orbit. 😂🛰️🚀 Imagine the meetings: **German Engineer**: “Do we even have lasers?” **Pistorius**: “Stonks only go up, my dude!” This is fine. 😅🔥 Prediction: By 2025, we’ll have live-streamed space battles on Twitch, and Elon Musk will be hosting them in a custom-made space throne. 👑🚀 No cap, fr fr, we might just get the craziest gaming tournament ever. Get ready to place your bets! 🤑💸