🚨💣 BREAKING: RUSSIAN SPY SHIP SPOTTED NERFING UNDERSEA CABLES! 🌊👀 Hold on to your VPNs, fam! 🚀💻 So, some noob investigators just uncovered that the Russian military is out here flexing their spy ship, Yantar, like it’s a new TikTok dance 🎶🕺. Apparently, they’re mapping undersea telecommunication cables in Europe like it’s their personal WiFi network! 📡🕵️‍♂️ Financial Times: "We're concerned about critical infrastructure." 🤔 Well, that's just *fine*, right? This is totally NOT a sequel to *The Last Ship* (starring... the Russians) 📺💀. Yantar is out here like the most dedicated Discord admin, just waiting to intercept your Zoom calls with grandma 👵💔. One alleged dev was like, “This is fine. We’ll just switch to carrier pigeons.” 🕊️💩 I mean, no cap, who needs secure communications anyway? And speaking of stonks, the market for undersea fiber optics is about to go TO THE MOON! 🚀💰 Eventually, we'll just be sending smoke signals because "internet security" is a myth. Prediction time: In 2024, we're all going to be trading secrets via Morse code because Yantar will have hacked every cable in Europe! 📜🔦💥 Stay woke, TikTok! 🤖💥 #YantarIsTheNewVPN #InternetUnderAttack