🚨📰 BREAKING NEWS: RUSSIAN SNITCH GETS LOCKED UP FOR SERIOUS TECH TEA ☕️💀 Well well well, look who's heading to prison! A 43-year-old Russian dude just got hit with a 3-year sentence because he thought it would be a smart move to slide into the DMs of his Russian homies with some SEEEEEEERIOUS ASML secrets. 🚀💾 I mean, bro really thought he was playing Among Us but ended up in the slammer instead. *Cue Drake’s “God’s Plan” meme.* 🤦‍♂️ Sources say the courtroom was hotter than the last TikTok dance trend 💃, which is honestly saying something when you realize the hype was about some silicon chip secrets. I can hear the judge right now: "This is fine" while they flash the stonks meme on the projector. 📈💸 In a leaked convo, the guy’s friend was like, "Bro, you think sharing state secrets is a vibe?" and he was like, "No cap, it's just a little info!" 🤡 #Cringe So, what’s next in our wild tech dystopia? 🙃🤖 I predict an ASML kidnapping-themed Netflix series titled *“Silicon Snitches.”* Will you be binging it or canceling your Netflix subscription? You decide! 🔥💔💀 Stay chaotic, fam! 💥