🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS ALERT 🚨💥 In a plot twist wilder than your ex’s IG stories, Ron "This Ain't No Cuddle Session" Conway has ghosted the Salesforce Foundation board faster than you can say “Free Trials”! 🤡🔥 Why? Because CEO Marc "I Can’t Even" Benioff had the audacity to suggest sending in the National Guard to fix the total clown show in San Francisco. Apparently, the real-life version of *Mad Max* has become more of a reality than the tech utopia we all thought we were living in. 💀💰 Just imagine Ron picking his exit line like: "Marc, my dude, are we running a software empire or a military operation?" 😳💥 Meanwhile, Trump thinks SF is a ghost town when it’s actually just full-on *This is fine* meme energy. 🤷‍♂️🌆 You know it’s bad when the city's tagline has turned into “Send in the troops!” 🚀💣 Leaked quotes from Ron’s pet goldfish say it all: “He was just getting a little too close to authoritarian vibes, no cap.” So here’s the hot take, fam: The next board meeting? It’s either a tech innovation conference or the next Marvel movie! Keep your popcorn ready! 🍿🤖💥 Stonks are crashing HARDER than my GPA, and I predict we'll see tech bros forming their own militias next... and by militias I mean overpriced networking events! 🤬✌️