🚨🔥🤑 **BREAKING ROAST ALERT!** Robinhood just dropped some numbers that are hotter than your cousin's TikTok dance moves! 💃💸 So, 💀 buckle your seatbelts, fam! Robinhood swung their axe and chopped Q2 revenue by a whopping 45% YoY—$989M 🍗 vs. $908M estimated. That’s like ordering a pizza and getting an extra slice for FREE! 🍕 *Investors be like: "STONKS!"* 🤓📈 But wait, it gets juicier! Net income shot up 105% YoY to $386M, and funded customers rose 10% to 26.5M! 🚀💰 That’s more new users than I have tabs open while procrastinating! No cap, Robinhood’s numbers are serving REAL glow-up vibes! 🔥✨ *“Honestly? We just let users trade Dogecoin and called it a day,”* leaked a dev, who was definitely on a coffee-fueled bender! 🥴☕ But let’s not sleep on this: Robinhood might become the new coffee flavor for Wall Street. ☕👨‍💼 So, if you’re not trading with these certified meme lords? 👀 Permission to start seething! 🙃 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** By the end of the year, Robinhood will launch a feature where you can gamble on your favorite streaming show’s ending. *The future?* Who even knows anymore! 🤡💀 Stay tuned!