🚨 Y’ALL WAKE UP! RFK Jr. is out here flexin’ the futuristic vision of wearables for every American like he's Tony Stark in the MCU! 🤖💪 "My vision is that EVERY American will be wearing a wearable within FOUR YEARS!" 👀💥 Sounds awesome? Sure, until you realize that this isn't the Marvel Cinematic Universe—it's basically a dystopian fitness sitcom! 🥴🍿 Let’s be real: RFK Jr. thinks wearables will help us “take control” of our health? No cap, bro, this ain’t the gym, it’s just another way to track how many donuts you ate while watching Netflix. 🍩💻 Like, Congrats! You just got a notification that you're stuck in a cycle of cringe while binging on "This Is Fine" memes and seething over your Fitbit’s judgmental heart rate—YIKES! 🔥😱 🔊 **Leaked Developer Quote**: “Every time someone claims their wearable helped them lose weight, a tech bro loses a part of their soul.” – Anonymous Developer, probably 🤭💀 But let’s keep it 100: If wearables turn into another “stupid leeching app” like FaceApp, I’m ready to call my neighbors and graze in the backyard—again! 🌾🤣 🔥 *Unhinged Prediction*: In 4 years, we’ll all have chips implanted in our skulls, buzzing every time we think about adding more cheese to our pizza. Cheesy, right? 🧀🚀💰