🚨💥🍕🎉 GATHER 'ROUND, PHONESLINGERS! It’s Prime Day, and you KNOW what that means: the tech bloodbath of markdowns is upon us! 🔪💸 Forget your plans to invest in stocks or that Bitcoin you lost last week—it's time to throw your money at shiny rectangles! 🤖📱😱 Peak Degen behavior activated! This ain't just any sale; this is the ultimate showdown of Apple vs. Samsung vs. Google Pixel, and spoiler alert: they’re ALL in a dumpster fire racing to the bottom! This is fine. 🔥💀 📣 UNBELIEVABLE SAVINGS ALERT: Up to 47% OFF! Like, what even is that? How do you even make a profit, Apple? 🤔 "Our devs are literally just throwing numbers on the screen at this point," leaked an imaginary Apple engineer, John DePloy. Man's got a point. 😂 Meanwhile, Samsung’s like, "You didn’t buy the Galaxy? That’s cringe, bro." No cap, if you’ve got an OnePlus in your cart, you might need to reassess your life choices. Stonks might be up for these devices, but your social life? It’s in the red, fam. 💔💰 🌌🔮 Mark my words, soon we'll be getting phones that run on pure Chaos Energy. Your next upgrade will be a literal quantum computer that uses your tears as power! 🤯 So get in there! Upgrade or be forever left behind in the lag zone. 📉📉 DO IT! 🚀