🚨💸 Breaking News: Prime Day 2025 is LIVE and your wallet is about to go on a diet! 🤑💔 96 HOURS of shopping madness, because apparently, two days was just too mainstream for Jeff Bezos. Dude’s trying to launch a one-way ticket to the moon and he needs our cash for fuel! 🚀💰 So, what’s hot this year? Think fire sales so spicy it’ll make your credit card weep! 🔥💳 "I swear it's on sale," said every broke person ever. Are we buying giant inflatable unicorns? Stonks! 📈🦄 Is your grandma getting a smart toaster? Cringe but also YES! Toast has never been that woke! 🤖🍞 “Add to Cart” like you’re fighting for survival in a battle royale, folks! 😂💪 *Leaked developer quote*: “If people knew how much product placement was in those deals, we’d need a GoFundMe for therapy.” 🙃💔 But here’s the kicker: by the end of this event, we’ll all be drowning in Alexa devices and questionable purchases. This is the moment Amazon becomes Skynet, and we’re just here like, “This is fine.” 🔥🐶 Hot take: by 2030, your fridge will know your credit score and decide if you deserve snacks. No cap. 🤡💀💥 Time to prepare for that impending dystopia!