🚨🛠️ GUNS & GADGETS FOLKS! LOOK OUT! 💥 The Pentagon contractors are trying to turn the “Right to Repair” into “Right to NEVER REPAIR” – the year’s most overhyped mission since “Mission: Impossible” dropped! 😱🤡 💰💔 In a shocking twist that has us all saying "this is fine" while sipping our coffee, these big bucks are pushing for the data-as-a-service model. You heard that right, they want the Department of Defense to fork over 💸 to access repair info like it’s some sort of subscription-based Netflix… for blowin’ up tanks! 🎬💣💀 Imagine this convo at the Pentagon: 👉 "Yo, can we just fix our jets ourselves?" 👉 "Nah, fam! Let’s just pay to watch the Jet Repair Documentary on DODflix!" 👉 "But what if the jets could just… not explode?" 👉 "Chill, bro. 💀 It’s like... stonks, but for destruction!" The only thing more cringe than this scheme? The fact that even Secretary Pete thinks we need more repair provisions – but the contractors are like "COPE & SEETHE" while they plot their next dirty move. 🤖💔 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Next, they'll charge us $50/month for access to "How to Not Blow Up Your Helicopter" online courses. Stay woke! 🚀💥