🚨💰 *BREAKING NEWS* 💰🚨: PayPal just dropped their Q2 results like it’s the latest TikTok dance challenge, and we’re here for the chaos! 🤡💀 Look out! They reported a *WHOPPING* 5% revenue bump YoY to $8.3 BILLION (yeah, you heard that right! 🤑)!!! They were so close to the $8.08B prediction that it gave the stonks a lil’ wheezy wheeze. 📈💨 But what’s with the 5% dip in transactions? Did everyone just collectively decide that sending money is too mainstream? 🤔🚫💸 *“You don’t need a hot girl’s phone number, just PayPal her!”* said literally no one ever. 😅🔥 Active accounts crept up 2% to a jaw-dropping 438 MILLION. What are they doing? Organizing a virtual space party? 🚀🌌 Imagine this boardroom meeting: “We gotta get those numbers up, so let’s throw in a feature to buy NFT avocado toast.” *Leaked quote alert!* “Have we tried paying people in dogecoin yet? No cap, that’s a vibe!” – Anonymous PayPal Developer 💀👀 🔥🔥 *PREDICTION TIME:* PayPal will acquire Snapchat next year JUST so we can transfer money with our face filters. 🚀😜 Mark my words: cash transfers with unicorn filters are coming for your wallets. This is fine. 💸✨