🚨🛑 *BIG NEWS COMING AT YOU FROM THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS* — and no, I don't mean all of those Starbucks-induced code sprints! 😴💻💥 Our pals in NYC just dropped a spicy little proposal: a 5% raise for our rideshare heroes! 🚗💨✨ Yeah, you heard that right! That’s a whole *crusty* dollar on top of their already meager earnings! They’re basically saying, “Hey, Ubers and Lyfts, chill out, we’ll give you some pocket change to prevent you from loggin' out our drivers faster than you can say ‘cha-ching!’” 💰💀 According to (*totally not fictitious*) insider sources, one Uber dev was heard mumbling, "Bro, can we just pay them in memes instead? 🤡" Meanwhile, Lyft is over there like Drake pointing away: “Not doing the locking out thing anymore, fam!!!” 🚫🔒 But let’s be real, this whole saga is giving me major “This is fine” vibes while the drivers are just sitting in the flame-fueled chaos of app lockdowns! 🔥🤪 So get ready for the TLC to vote and unleash their inner stonks trader—because if this 5% boost goes through, we can say goodbye to rideshare drivers freezing like their app’s login screen! 🚀🔥💀 *Hot Take*: In five years, we’ll have *AI-powered robots* driving us around for minimum wage. They’ll be charging us *TWO DOLLAR* service fees to hear them complain about human drivers! 🤖💸😜