🗽🌐 Forget 5G; let's get down to the real *Internet Wars*: Who can make your Wi-Fi buffering experience a true artistic endeavor? 🎭🤡 Here’s your survival guide to the thrill-seeking jungle of New York’s internet providers, where stonks are up, but your download speed is still buffering like it’s 1999! 🤖💀 🔥 **Top Contenders:** 1. **Comcast Xfinity**: The infamous blue and yellow combo! Your internet might go down faster than your hopes and dreams during a server outage. Just think: "This is fine" while you watch that spinning wheel of dread. 💔💻 2. **Verizon Fios**: Like the Drake meme, you know the drill: 🙅‍♂️ “Well, you could go with Comcast,” 🙆‍♂️ “or you could choose basically unlimited data.” Go for the Fios if you want that sweet gigabit magic!✨ 3. **Spectrum**: It’s *OK*, but calling it the “best” is like saying pineapple on pizza is gourmet. 🍍🍕 (Sorry, not sorry.) 🐸 **Developer Quote**: “I’d rather have dial-up than call my Spectrum rep.” – Anonymous Dev, probably crying. 🤦‍♂️ With the chaos of 2030 ahead, I predict that in 5 years, we'll all be using satellites just to scroll TikTok. 📡💥 Get ready for a space race, baby! 🌌💰