🚨🌌 *BREAKING NEWS* 🚨: Niantic’s Peridot just leveled up from AR doggo to *actual* tour guide, and honestly, I can’t tell if this is the future or a fever dream. 😵💫 Forget real-life friends; you now have an augmented reality alien dog to drag you around! 🐶✨ That’s right, folks—while the rest of us seethe at our empty social lives, this adorable little pup is out here spitting facts about your local coffee shop like it’s an episode of *Rick & Morty*. “Did you know this cafe once hosted a detective who solved cases with cold brew?” - *Peridot probably* 🔍☕ They even demo’d this with Snap Spectacles, because apparently, actual human interaction is too 2020. Why speak to friends when you can have a floating laser-eyed mutt give you the history of your local Taco Bell? 🔥🌮 Leaked Quote From Niantic’s Developer: “Honestly, we just thought, why not? Everyone needs a pet and learning experience when wandering aimlessly. 🙃💁‍♂️” Can I get a “no cap”? Because this is the most confident way to niche down your product EVER. Prediction: By 2025, we’ll all be walking around with talking Peridots that help us find love… or at least the nearest McDonald’s. 🤖💔🚀 **Stay tuned for the most chaotic love story ever told: Peridot vs. Tinder!** 💘🔥 #PeridotTakeMyMoney #ItsFine #ThisIsFine