🚨🎉 BREAKING: Apple just dropped a BOMB 💣—Meet the Apple Watch Ultra 3! 👀💸 For a mere $799+ (because who needs rent?), you can now flaunt 5G, a battery life that’ll last longer than your last relationship (42 hours, no cap 🔋💔), AND satellite connectivity! 🚀 Why? Because Apple loves us so much they just can’t stop squeezing our wallets. 😭💰 Your wrist? It’s about to become the center of the universe, baby! 🌌 Imagine this: you're stuck in the wilderness 💀, the vibes are off, your phone is out of service, and who shows up? Your $799 smartwatch telling you "this is fine." 🤡🕊️ But hey, at least you can tweet your existential dread with **5G** and look stylish while doing it! 💁‍♂️📱 *Leaked Developer Quote*: "Honestly? We just slapped 5G on it and called it a day. Give us your money, peasants!" 😤👑 Drake is pointing at you hard: “You should buy this! But also, cringe.” 🤦‍♂️🔥 🔥 Prediction time: In 2024, Apple will release the Ultra 4, powered by ***TIME TRAVEL***. No more waiting in line; you'll just *literally* hop ahead to get it! 🕰️📦👽 #Stonks #AppleIsLife #GalaxyBrain