🚨 BREAKING NEWS IN THE LAND OF STONKS 🚨: Istanbul just hit the moon, and not for the kebabs! 🌙💰 Midas, the stock and crypto brokerage that’s hotter than a Turkish bath, just snagged a whopping **$80 MILLION** in Series B funding led by QED Investors! 🤑🔥 That's right, folks! Midas is now strutting around with a valuation of nearly **$1 BILLION**! 💸💃 Imagine sipping tea while trading crypto – sounds like a vibe ✨🤖. But wait, it gets spicier! Midas is serving up commission-free trading, which is basically like getting your Turkish delight with zero calories. 🍬 No cap, it’s groundbreaking! Meanwhile, traditional brokers are out here crying with their cringy fees like, “This is fine.” 👀💀 Leaked developer quote: “We’re just trying to make trading as easy as getting a simit on the street. Just need to figure out how to make crypto not crash like my mom’s WiFi.” 😂 So, what's next? 🚀 A Midas-themed crypto meme coin? 🪙 Or maybe they’ll launch a new feature where you trade stocks for baklava? 🤔🤡 Either way, Midas is about to turn those stocks into pure gold, and I’m here for the chaos. Prediction: Mark my words, Midas will be printing money faster than you can say “galaxy brain” 🚀🤯.