🚨🛠️ BREAKING NEWS, GAMERS! 🚨🛠️ Microsoft just dropped a bombshell that sounds chill, but trust me, it’s anything but! 🤡💀 After years of watching your shaders compile at the speed of a herd of snails on vacation, we’re getting *Advanced Shader Delivery*! Sounds fancy, right? But spoiler alert: it’ll take years to bake into our beloved gaming cakes. 🍰✨ Imagine booting up your ultra-demanding AAA title and watching that progress bar drip slower than your mom's coffee. ☕📈 *“Compiling shaders…”* Yeah, right! I’ve waited shorter for my pizza delivery, and that’s saying something! 🍕⏳ 🔥🏄‍♂️ Microsoft’s first drop? ASUS ROG Xbox Ally handhelds—because who doesn’t want to stutter while gaming on a potato? 🤡💾 If you thought Hogwarts Legacy made you feel like you were attending a slow-motion class in Compiling 101, hold my Gatorade. 🍓🧃 “I can't believe we're still dealing with this in 2023,” said a courageous, unverified dev behind closed doors, probably sipping on a mystery energy drink. Let's face it, “This is fine” meme vibes all around. 🐶🔥 And here’s the real tea: if you think shader stutters are bad now, just wait until this “masterpiece” rolls out. In five years, we’ll be playing games with shaders compiled in the afterlife! 👻💀 Mark my words! #ShaderStutterSaga #Stonks 🚀💰