🚨🤑BREAKING NEWS: Microsoft’s new ROG Xbox Ally handheld is straight-up HEAVY-METAL on the wallet, fam! 🎸💰 I mean, you thought you were gonna get a sweet little gaming device? Nah, son! We talking eye-watering, tear-jerking EXPENSIVE. Like, your bank account is gonna throw a tantrum that makes a toddler's meltdown look quaint. 💀💔 “Yo, we gotta charge more because gamers will pay ANYTHING for portability!” - said a developer who clearly drinks too much of the corporate Kool-Aid. 🥤🙃 Literally, if this thing was a character, it’d be that one guy in the club throwing cash around like it’s confetti—y’all know the vibe. 🎉💵 Meanwhile, we’ll be out here like, “Do I want an Xbox Ally or my next meal?” 🤔💀 Drake is out here pointing to his wallet like “Nope!”, while the "stonks" meme is crying in the corner because no one told it to prepare for this kind of inflation! 📈📉 In conclusion, get your money guns ready, because this handheld? It's a whole lifestyle now, and by “lifestyle” I mean “please send help my savings account is on fire!” 🔥🚀 Hot take: By 2025, we’ll be paying in kidney stones instead of cash for gaming gear! 💎💀 #TakeMyMoneyPlease