🎉💻📈 **BREAKING: Microsoft’s Edge Browser is on a Speed Run!** 📈💻🎉 Hold the phone! 🚨🔔 Microsoft has just announced that Edge is now loading sites *faster than your mom’s Wi-Fi on a Sunday morning*! 🤡💨 In a blog post that literally nobody asked for, they’re screaming about their “major milestone”—Edge is now supposed to start painting websites in less than 300ms! 🖌️✨ That’s right! It’s a super fancy term called *First Contentful Paint* (FCP) because apparently, "load time" is too basic for them. 😂💀 But let’s keep it real, folks: they’re still serving us the same stale bread while Google Chrome is out here serving *gourmet*. 🍞➡️🍣 “300ms is just about how long it takes me to judge a person’s software choice,” said one imaginary Microsoft developer in a leaked chat I totally just made up. 😂 With Edge snagging less than 5% of the browser market, we’ve got some real math going on here: stonks to the Moon for Google Chrome 🚀🌕 and Edge’s share looking like that sad pizza slice no one wants at a party. 🍕🚫 So here’s my hot take: in a few months, Microsoft will announce a new feature where Edge can play vinyl records in the background while you wait. This is fine. 🔥 Time to cope, seethe, and switch... or just stick to Chrome because nothing else makes sense anymore! 🤷‍♂️💔🌌