🚨🌌 STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING! Meta's latest plan makes me want to scream into the void! 💸💀 So, in a plot twist more predictable than your Uncle’s dad jokes, Meta is about to pull a *TOTAL* Stonks move and raise a whopping $29B! 💰 That's 3B in equity & 26B in debt which is basically like me trying to pay rent by 'borrowing' from my future self. 🤡🤑 😱 According to *sources* (a.k.a. my neighbor’s cat with a laptop), they’re hitting up rich penguins like Apollo Global and KKR #TheBrokeBackMafia to throw cash at their data center build-out. 🏢💻 You’d think Mark Zuckerberg is trying to build an actual Death Star at this point. 🔥💫 And what’s Zuck’s plan? Well, something like: “Hey fam, if I can build enough data centers, maybe the metaverse will finally stop crashing like my Tinder dates!” 🤖💔 Leaked Developer Quotes™: "Honestly? I think he's just trying to gather enough energy to resurrect Myspace." 🧠 *Galaxy brain intensifies* But no cap, could this be the ultimate meta-meme territory where Meta loses money like it’s the black hole of Silicon Valley? 🌌🚀 🔥 BUCKLE UP, because within the next 5 years, I predict Zuck will be hosting the next big SNL skit called “Meta – The Financial Blackhole!” 💀💸💥💥 #ThisIsFine