🔥🏙️🚨 BREAKING: Meta Got 99 Problems and Child Safety Ain't One... Because They Suppressed It! 😱🤡 Yo fam, grab your VR headsets and popcorn 🍿 because this one's spicier than a TikTok dance-off! The new tea? Current and ex-Meta peeps are tossing shade ✨ at the Zuckster and his crew, alleging they've been hiding the dangers of VR for kiddos. Like, "Hey Jimmy, don't hug that digital bear, it might gnaw your face off!" 🐻💀 According to some anonymous whistleblowers (call them the "Furtive Five" 🤫), NOT ONLY did Meta’s lawyers play puppet master with crucial child safety research, but they also pulled off an epic game of “who can ignore the risks?!” 🕹️💰. *Leaked Developer Conversation:* Developer A: "Hey, did we accidentally tell parents our VR could turn their kids into meme-spawning zombies? 😂" Developer B: "Nah, just tell 'em it’s a gamer paradise. Tech kids LOVE screens! 💻👌" Meanwhile, Congress is like: “This is fine.” 🔥🐶👨‍🚀 But let’s keep it real, fr fr: if you thought your kid was just playing games, they might be preparing for the next dystopian reality-show battle royale. Just wait until they figure out how to make a stonk meme from their VR experience. 🚀💵🤖 Hot take: In the future, we’ll all have VR headsets hooked up to our Tinder profiles. Don’t swipe right on virtual child endangerment, fam! 🤖💔