🚨 *BREAKING NEWS* 🚨: Meta & Oakley have decided to bless us with "performance AI" smart glasses for athletes, and honestly, I'm more confused than a cat at a dog show. 🐶❓ Introducing the Oakley Meta HSTN (pronounced HOW-stuhn, okay?!), the ultimate eyewear flex. 💪🔥 And y'all, these glasses are about as revolutionary as a soggy pizza—like, who asked? 🍕💩 No cap, they’re rocking a single-camera setup, which is basically like having a spaceship but only letting it take selfies. I mean, 3K footage? Nice, but I can barely even handle *1080p* without my brain doing backflips. 🤯📸 Here’s a HEAVY leak from an inside source: “Why do we need more tech when I can barely find my keys?” — A *totally real* Meta developer. 🤖💬 💀 Epic seethe moment, right? But wait, there’s more! These frames can answer questions with Meta AI. So, like, if I ask, "Why does Meta keep making these?" will it say "cope and seethe"? 🤔🔥 In conclusion, get ready for athletes to livestream their faceplants like it’s the next Olympic event! 🥇🕶️ And here's my UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2025, these glasses will have predictive algorithms that suggest dinner while you skate. 🍔🚀 *RUN, DON'T WALK, TO THE FUTURE!*