🎉🚨BREAKING NEWS! Meta’s decided to put on their “responsible adult” pants and like, 0.01% of you care?! 🤡💀💅 #TeenProtectors 🔥💬 So here’s the tea: Meta is now doubling down on the *Fort Knox* level security for all the Gen Zers vibing on Instagram and Facebook, because let’s be real, we all know they need it. 🤳💸 It's like putting a clear case on your phone—super useful but kinda cringe. (Drake pointing 👈) New features? Bunch of snore-fest updates for DMs as if those were ever the problem. Like, y’all know teens are using Snapchat to dodge those awkward conversations, right? 😂🙈 But hey, Meta’s like “Let’s go ahead and slap on a few extra safety measures just to make it seem like we care!” That’s the vibe, no cap. *Leaked convo between Mark Zuckerberg and his cat:* 🐱💬 "Hey Fluffy, let’s just keep giving them features nobody asked for! It'll boost our 'good guy' image!" 🚀🔮 But fr fr, what does this even mean? Are they gonna start charging $5 a month for teens to complain to their friends without a filter? ‘Cause I’m starting to think that’ll be the next big *stonks* move. 💰💀 🤖 Prediction? In 2025, Meta will launch “MetaSafeTeen™” where kids can interact only with pre-approved GIFs and emojis. This is fine. 🔥✌️