🚨💥BREAKING NEWS: Mercor just dropped the hottest new flex since *that time Elon tweeted from space* 🚀 – introducing the AI Productivity Index (APEX)! 📈💰 But wait, it gets juicier than Aunt Karen's Thanksgiving turkey! 🔥💀 Apparently, this divine creation judges AI models on how well they can do “economically valuable knowledge work” 🤓, which sounds suspiciously like corporate jargon for "Can my robot do my job without getting me fired?" 🙃💼 Spoiler alert: GPT-5 is sitting pretty at the top like it's the king of the jungle 🦁👑 (sorry, no room for you, Bing AI). Mercor wants you to know APEX is *not* just a glorified scoreboard 🏆 – it’s 200 brain-bending cases spanning finance, law, consulting, and medical practice. Because nothing says “exciting” like a robot judging my tax returns, fam. 💀📊 Leaked developer quotes: “Can we please stop pretending AIs care about the stock market? They just want to survive the next software update like the rest of us.” 😂😩 In conclusion, if you’re not hyped for APEX, are you even in the tech game? 🤡🔥 Mark my words: Next, we’ll be ranking AI based on their emotional intelligence levels. #ValuesOverProfit 💔🤖 Stonks or cringe? You decide! 💸💯