🚨💥 Hold the phone, nerds! 🚨💥 MariaDB just dropped a new cloud platform and it's NOT your grandma's database! 🤓💻 Forget everything you know about complexity—this bad boy is here to make AI development easier than convincing your friend to order avocado toast. 🥑💸 Let’s be real, it’s 2023 and if your database ain’t unified, are you even in the tech game? 🤷‍♂️ MariaDB’s slick Enterprise Platform 2026 (because 2025 was sooo last year) is the ultimate Tinder match—swiping right on transactional, analytical and vector databases all at once, while making sure you won’t end up ghosted by your data. 👻📊 "Honestly, I just wanted to make it less of a nightmare," said an anonymous MariaDB dev—probably while chugging five cups of coffee. ☕💀 And who can blame him?! 💩 Every data engineer on the planet nailed to their workstations like they're in "This is fine" meme—🔥 while databases throw tantrums like toddlers in the cereal aisle. 🥴🥣 But hold up; here’s the kicker—what happens when everyone starts using this? A dystopian future where AI is building its own databases and humans are left to chat with chatbots! 🤖💔 🔥🔥 Predicting: In just a year, we'll have AI running everything—like, your fridge will be fully self-aware and throwing shade at you for not buying premium milk. 🥛🤡 #StayWoke #Stonks 💰💥