🚨🍏🛋️ Attention all you tech hoarders and Apple cultists! 🍏🛋️ News flash: the M5 MacBook Pro is about to drop and your wallet is about to do the cha-cha slide right into bankruptcy. 💃💸 You thought choosing between guacamole and salsa at Chipotle was hard? Nah, it’s nothing compared to choosing whether to cop the M2 or just hold out for the M5 🤯. 👀 *Leaked Dev Quote*: “Honestly, we’re just throwing more M’s at our chips like confetti at a wedding. M1? M2? M5? Next, we’re hitting them with M100!” Dude, forget about it! Apple’s gaming the system harder than a toddler at a candy store. 🍭🍬 You can almost hear Tim Cook saying, “Why should we make it easier? Upgrade decisions should be as complicated as finding the right TikTok filter!” 😩🤡 And then there's Bonnie from Marketing, sipping her overpriced oat milk latte: “If they want to be confused, let them be confused! More M’s, more money!” 🤑🤖 So, here’s the tea, fam: If you're still rocking an M1, it’s time to hit the gym and lift that heavy decision. Do you even lift, bro? With all these M’s, I'm just saying, the next one’s gonna levitate! 🔥🚀 Get ready for the *real* upgrade dilemma: you’ll need therapy after deciding! 💀💔✨ P.S. Prediction 2025: The M100 will be so powerful it'll single-handedly start a revolution against human intelligence. No cap! 🤖👽 #Skynet #Stonks