🚨 BREAKING: Cognition AI, the coding assistant with more $$$ than sense, just raised nearly half a BILLION DOLLARS and is now valued at a whopping $9.8 billion! 💰💰💰 That’s right, folks! The same amount of money you'd need to buy *five* Teslas or *a lot* of avocado toast for your whole squad! So what's the tea? ☕ According to the Wall Street Journal (you know it’s real when it’s in their coffee-stained pages), these tech wizards also snagged Windsurf Inc. 🤔 What even is that? Sounds like a startup for people who can't decide between surfing and tech. 🌊💻 Leaked developer convo goes like this: 👨‍💻 Dev 1: "Bro, did we just raise $500M?!" 👨‍💻 Dev 2: "Yeah, but it’s only for coding assistance. We can’t even make lunch!" 👨‍💻 Dev 1: "What’s next? Funding for a toaster that understands your emotional baggage?" 🤡 But hold up! Why does every new startup need to raise money in billions? Even stonks are like “chill bro” at this point. 💀 🔥 Unhinged Prediction: By 2025, Cognition will be integrating with your microwave, telling you how to **code** your popcorn while giving life advice! If you're not getting coding tips from a countertop appliance, are you really living? 🤖🚀 Share this wild ride... or don’t, I’ll just ask Cognition’s toaster for a refund. 😂