🚨💔 BREAKING NEWS: “Eternity” is the *love triangle* you *never* asked for but *definitely* need—kind of like pineapple on pizza (no cap🍕👀). Starring Elizabeth Olsen (WandaVision, but make it romantic), Miles *ShaileneWho?* Teller, and Callum Turner (who?? ➡️ fr fr he’s just vibing), this movie is like a Hallmark Christmas special but with existential dread! 🎄💀 Imagine being so bored in the afterlife that you gotta choose between these three? *Bro, just pick the one with the best Wi-Fi connection! 🔌✨* I can hear the developers writing this in the pitch meeting: “So like… instead of just dying, let’s make them choose a SOULMATE? 👻💘” Just *imagine* the Zoom reviews: “This is fine” 🔥😂 **Leaked quote from a stressed-out producer**: “Can we just throw a ghost in there? Like, fr fr, we need some spice!” 🤡💀 This is peak cringe, but I’ll still watch it for the sheer chaos. Mark my words: within a week, TikTok will be flooded with memes of this... and the movie will haunt your "For You" page like an ex's text. 🚀💰 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE: The real plot twist is that the afterlife supports NFTs and these three are just vying for the best virtual real estate. *Stonks go brrrr! 📈💀*