💀🔔 BREAKING: Linqto, the “where’d my shares go?” private stock investment platform just hit the *financial faceplant* button and filed for BANKRUPTCY! 😱😱 Why you ask? Oh, just a little thing called an SEC and DOJ probe. 📉💼 And the REAL kicker? An internal investigation revealed customers thought they were riding the stonks 🚀 but actually got the “this is fine” dog instead! 🐶🔥 👀 Leaked conversation from a Linqto developer: “Turns out our customers were investing in digital air! Who knew?!” 🤡💸 Meanwhile, in another chat, some intern was like, “Dude, we just invented a new form of magic: money that vanishes!” ✨ But fr fr, how are you gonna let your users believe they're stockholders when they’re literally just *fan club members*? Linqto really went from “investor” to “just kidding you can’t invest” faster than you can say “pump and dump!" 🤪💔 So what’s my UNHINGED prediction? Linqto will relaunch as a new meme stock. Literally, it’ll become a *literal* meme—congratulations, you’re now stockholders in “nothing” after giving them your dough! 🤑💀 Remember folks: Invest wisely, and keep your 🐥🐥 on TikTok because that's where all the REAL financial advice is! 💰🚀