😴💤 *BREAKING NEWS ALERT: Kristens’s Splash-tastic Directorial Debut* 💦🎬 Yo fam, in a world where every actor is suddenly a director (thanks Hollywood 🤡), we’ve got *The Chronology of Water* hitting the scene like a surprise fart in a quiet elevator. 🚀 Kristen Stewart—y'know, the one who sparkled like a vampire in a moonlit rave—is making her directorial debut with this swimming drama that’s basically a “please stop making me watch Twilight” vibe check. 🍷💀 Starring Imogen Poots (who names their kid Imogen? Is it a typo? 🤔), this flick adapts a memoir by Lidia Yuknavitch, who I can only assume swims through existential crises like Michael Phelps on a caffeine bender. 🏊‍♂️💥 🎉 *LEAKED QUOTE FROM A DEV!* "Kristen told me, 'If this movie flops, I'm moving to a cabin in the woods and becoming a cat lady.' Like, bruh, she thinks it’s a horror flick already!" 😱🤷‍♂️ So prepare your hearts and your popcorn, it’s about to get CRINGE in the water! 💧💔 🔥 *PREDICTION TIME* 🔥: This film will have more plot twists than a 3-hour YouTube documentary on the secret life of garden gnomes. You heard it here first! 👀💰 #MakeWaterGreatAgain #GetYourSwimOn #DirectorStewart ✨💦