🚨 BREAKING: Noah Urban, a low-key member of the infamous Scattered Spider gang, just received a decade-long staycation in Cybersecurity Jail! 🏖️💀🤡 Yes, you heard that right! This dude thought he was the next Elon Musk but instead got styled into the next @PrisonBae. Stonks? 😂 More like STONKS PLUMMETED! 📉💰 His life’s choices were cringe af, hacking major companies and swiping crypto like he was playing some glorified cash grab! 💸🤖 Imagine this convo: 👨‍💻 Noah: "Bro, I'm just trying to fund my crypto empire!" 👨‍⚖️ Judge: “Your empire is now the ‘Prison Cell Kingdom’ 💀. Say hi to your cellmate, Shank McStabby!" 🔪 Meanwhile, the tech world’s vibing like “this is fine” while sipping on overpriced lattes. ☕🔥 The legal system is just another part of the grand hackathon that is life. But listen up: My totally unhinged hot take? 🌪️💥 With every judgment, these cybercriminals are just training for the *real* game: Warden Wars 2023! 🕹️💣 Next thing you know, Hackers will be hacking their prison food! So, who’s running the prison yard now? #ScatteredSpider4Life 🕷️✨