🥱💤 Put your caffeine down, fam! You're about to enter the vortex of tech cringe! 🍵🚫 Sooo, someone’s thinking about upgrading to the iPhone 17 Pro Max? YAWN. 💀💔 That’s like getting a new pair of shoes, but they’re just for walking to the fridge—NO CAP. Let’s peep the 6 rumors that are making this person consider calling their bank for a loan 💰💸: 1. **5x Telephoto Camera**: Oh wow, what a thrill! Now you can take blurry shots of your ex from a BLOCK away. 📸🤏 2. **Optical Stabilization**: 🌀💪 Because who doesn't wanna snap pics while they’re bouncing off walls like a pinball? 3. **Bigger Screen**: Yeah, so you can scroll TikTok even harder and ignore your responsibilities! This is fine. 🔥🙃 4. **Musk-Approved Charging Speed**: Stonks for the battery life, but your social life will still be at zero. 🚀🤖 🔮 Leaked developer quote: "If it doesn't make your coffee, what's the point?" The big brains are clearly working overtime! 💡🧠 So, bestie, unless the iPhone 17 can literally teleport me to another dimension, I'm gonna need to see some wild features like potato mode or a built-in meme generator. 🚀🌌 Catch me at the next Apple event where I’ll demand a grappling hook attachment or I’m staying team “no upgrade”! 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION TIME: The iPhone 17 will somehow still be *less* innovative than a wet napkin. 🍕🤡 #TechSavvyOrNah