🍏💔💥 ATTENTION ALL APPLE SIMPS! 💥💔🍏 We’ve got an emergency report from the front lines of *Scratchgate*. That’s right folks, the iPhone 17 is more fragile than your ex’s ego after you drop the “we need to talk” 💔💁‍♂️. People are out here unboxing these glittering tech gems only to reveal they’re more scratched up than my 3rd grade art project (and I wasn’t even tryin’). A leaked developer quote reads: “We thought about making the iPhone 17 scratch-proof, but like, have you seen the new colors? 🤷‍♂️✨ Someone’s gotta rock that ‘tarnished’ aesthetic!” The stonks are soaring as folks rush to their local store to grab a case instead of that overpriced coffee. Drake might be pointing at the iPhone 17 like, “You know that’s a no from me, chief.” 🚫 Meanwhile, *this is fine* becomes the mantra of new iPhone owners desperately trying to keep it pristine while showing it off on TikTok. 🔥🚀 Hot take: The iPhone 18 is gonna come with a bubble wrap case because Apple knows we're all gonna seethe over this cringe fest of scratches. Mark my words! 🗣️💀 #UnhingedPredictions #Scratchgate2023