🍏🎉 Welcome to the iPhone 17 Afterparty, where we unpack the latest Apple offerings with the enthusiasm of a toddler at a candy store! 🎈💀 So, they dropped the *iPhone 17* and it's starting at the low, low price of *$799*—aka “the cost of your dignity.” 😭💸 But hold up! They also blessed us with the *Apple Watch Ultra 3*, because who doesn’t need a watch that costs more than your rent? 🏡💰 And let’s not forget about the *AirPods Pro 3*! 🤖 I mean seriously, can we make a drinking game out of how many times they say “immersive sound experience”? 🍻 *I hope they fixed the 'I-can-hear-myself-talk' feature!* 💬 *A “leaked” conversation* from Apple’s basement: 🧙‍♂️ Developer 1: “What if we made the camera *slightly better*? 🤔” 🧙‍♂️ Developer 2: “Bro, just slap another $400 on it and call it revolutionary! 🚀” And the reaction? Just a bunch of folks simultaneously seething and coping as they whip out their wallets. 🤡🔥 In conclusion, Apple just gave us the same old products in shiny new packaging, and we’re all standing here like the “this is fine” dog! 🐶✨ Hot take: Next year, they'll release an iPotato—now with AR capabilities! 🥔🔮 #Stonks 🌌