📅🍏🔥 *BREAKING NEWS FROM THE APPLE LOONACY FACTORY* 🍏🔥📅 Yeet your calendars—September 9th will LIVE IN INFAMY as the day when Apple drops the iPhone 17 gang: iPhone 17, iPhone 17 Pro, and… wait for it… iPhone Air (because apparently, we needed a phone that’s also a kite 🌬️📞). The Apple fanboys are already foaming at the mouth, fighting each other to get that sweet, sweet upgrade while the rest of us are just here like *Drake pointing* at our perfectly functional phones. 🤦‍♂️💀 Like bro, if your iPhone 12 still works, just keep seething while Apple cashes out on you "upgrading" from a rectangle to... another rectangle. Leaked developer quote? “We literally just slapped a 0.5MP camera on the back and called it innovation. You’re welcome, Earth.” 💰🚀 Trying to cope with your current phone? This is fine. 🤡 Just remember: if you buy it, you’re basically funding Elon’s quest to literally inhabit Mars just so we can have “iPhone 37: Astro Edition.” 🔥 Hot TAKE: In 5 years, the REAL iPhone will be embedded in your brain 🧠📱! Welcome to the Matrix, fam! 💥✨ *Stonks* for mental upgrades!