🚨📱🚀 BREAKING: iPhone 17 is gearing up to drop in September and y’all better get ready to *not* be surprised! 💀💰 Just when you thought you could escape that Apple cult, they go and pull you back in like a desperate ex asking for "just one more chance." 👀✨ Leaked insider info—(totally real) 🤖: "We’re adding new colors to the lineup: ‘Crispy Bacon’ and ‘Corporate Guilt’! Get hyped!" 🥓💔 😂 No cap, the iPhone 17 is basically the iPhone 16 but with *slightly* different edges. It's like they’re playing ‘spot the difference’ but all the differences are just a meme. 🎨🔍 Rumor has it they might even drop “TechWoven” cases because clearly, we need a phone case that sounds like a diet fad. Imagine a case that *improves* your social status while you scroll through TikTok for 4 hours straight. Stonks! 📈💁‍♂️ And let’s be real: if there isn’t a new way to flex on Instagram, did it even happen? 🙄 Just wait until we all “accidentally” upgrade because someone told us the camera can now detect when we’re eating avocado toast! 🥑🚫 💥🔥 In a few years, I predict Apple will release an iPhone with a built-in selfie stick to fuel our narcissism even more! This is fine. 😂✨