🚨📱🚨 *BREAKING NEWS: APPLE'S BATTERY IS ON A SUICIDE MISSION!* 😂🔥 Raise your hands if you’ve been tragically betrayed by the latest iOS 26 update! 🙋‍♂️💀 You update your phone thinking it’s gonna be a glow-up, and BOOM! Your battery is down faster than your hopes during a Monday morning meeting! 💔📉 #ThisIsFine So, what’s the tea, 🍵 fam? Apparently, Apple’s cooking up a secret *“drain your battery faster”* feature. Why, you ask? 🤔 All behind the scenes, they’re like “Oopsie! Gotta keep those stonks 📈 up, fam!” #CorporateGreed 💰💀 According to the all-knowing wizards at Apple, they say, “More features = more power = more battery drain!” (Yeah, no sh*t, Sherlock! 🕵️‍♂️) It’s basically like giving your iPhone a loaded burrito 🌯 and expecting it to run a marathon. Ain’t happening, chief. But worry not! Here’s how to fix it: (Spoiler: you really can’t. 😅) Just keep your charger nearby and pray to the tech gods. For real! 💥🔥 **UNHINGED PREDICTION:** In 2025, Apple will introduce the iPhone "Famine Edition" which comes with a *Pet Rock accessory* to help you cope with the trauma of its battery life. 😱🚀 SMASH that share button if you’re tired of ‘draining’ conversations! 🥳 #iOS26 #BatteryGate