🚨🛒 Instacart JUST dropped their Q3 tea and it’s hotter than your mom’s secret chili recipe! 🔥💰 Y’all, we’re talking about a YOLO 🍕🔥 revenue boost of 10% to a whopping $939 MILLION! In case you're wondering, that's above what the financial overlords predicted. 🧙‍♂️✨ 🎉 But wait, there's more! Orders shot up by 14% to 83.4M. 🤯 That’s like if every TikTok influencer suddenly decided that shopping for groceries was the NEW wave. 📈🌊 They’re rolling in that sweet GTV (Gross Transaction Value) at $9.1B like it’s Black Friday every day! 🛍️💸 “I just want to know why people are buying so much kale,” one shocked developer lamented. “Like, chill fam, it’s not that serious.” 🤡 But listen! They’re not just stacking cash for the sake of it. They’re planning a $1.5B share buyback like they’re Elon Musk stocking up on Tesla shares. 🚀💵 “We wanna keep our stonks high,” a slightly confused Instacart CEO allegedly said while googling “how to make investors happy.” 💅💀 So what’s the unhinged prediction? Instacart will become the new Netflix, and your fridge will start streaming recipes directly to your screen while judging your culinary skills. No cap. 🤯🤖💥 Share this chaos NOW or your groceries will be delivered by a robot in a clown costume! 🥴👀