🚨🔧 FOLKS WE GOT A SITUATION 🚨🔧 Apple's strutting out the iPhone 17 Pro in "Cosmic Orange" and suddenly, it's not just your Tinder date showing their true colors, it's the iPhone’s SCRATCHES making their debut! 🤡💔 Yup, you heard it right. This luxe device is flaking HARDER than my friends’ plans every weekend. 💀 iFixit got all science-y on us and brought in David Niebuhr, who’s definitely not here to be the hero we wanted but the one we deserved: “Guys, you see this sharp edge of the camera bump? 👀 It’s like Apple put a knife on a stone and said, ‘This is fine!’” 🔪🤣 Newsflash, David: NOT FINE when your camera plate looks like it just survived a catfight! 😾 So, if you’re rolling without a case, say goodbye to that glitzy glow and hello to scratches that scream “I drop it like it’s hot!” 🔥📉 *Insert stonks meme here because this is a DOWNWARD SPIRAL, baby!* So what’s my unhinged prediction? 🤖 In 2 weeks, Apple will release the iPhone 17 Pro MAX, now with “self-healing” features—because what's better than pretending you can fix your problems with the touch of a button? 🤷‍♂️💔💅 #iPhone17ProPlatesAndPains 🤑🚀