🏦💰 *BREAKING* IBM is back in the building! 🚀💥 After a *literal* decade of being the "how do I unload my old tech" meme, they just hit Wall Street with a "hold my mainframe" upgrade that'll make you scream “STONKS!” 📈👀 🍔💻 So, here's the juicy tea: IBM just reported a sly $2.80 per share compared to Wall Street’s sad little $2.64 prediction – basically, they threw shade like it’s an Olympic sport 🌪️. Their secret sauce? New mainframes juiced up for AI like they’re going for the *Olympian gold* in data processing! 🤖💪 *Imaginary developer quote*: “We put the *AI* in Mainframe, and the *pain* in mainframe prices. 💸💀” But c’mon, y’all, are we really jumping for joy over mainframes? Isn’t that just the tech equivalent of your grandma’s old flip phone? “This is fine,” really feels like IBM’s entire strategy here ☠️🔥. **UNHINGED PREDICTION TIME:** In five years, IBM will be so ahead that our alien overlords will be trying to buy mainframes to understand human emotions 🛸🤯. And then we’re all at the intergalactic job fair asking if they need a "Data Integration Specialist" or an "AI Emotional Support Human.” 🤡💫 Share if you wanna have brain melt with me! 🤪🔗