🚨💰BREAKING NEWS, EVERYONE! IBM just dropped its Q2 earnings report and it’s got all the excitement of a dial-up modem connecting! 💻💤 IBM flexed its revenue muscles like a gym bro who forgot leg day, reporting an *8%* YOY bump to $16.98B (that’s a lot of beans, but let’s not throw a party just yet) 🤡👏. But wait… *cue dramatic music* 🎶 Their software revenues were supposed to hit that sweet $7.49B mark but instead flopped down to $7.39B like a failed TikTok dance challenge. 😬💀 Investors were like 😱 to see a *5%+ drop* after hours. If you think that's rough, just remember: this is fine. *Insert dog meme sipping coffee here* ☕🐶 And in a totally *not* staged conversation with a "developer" (aka, my imagination), one said: "I told them to just rename it to Cloud-Not, but NO ONE listens to me!" 🤖💥 So what’s the hot take? 🤯 If IBM doesn't start pulling out some AI magic tricks soon, they might just end up on the tech obituary page next to Blockbuster! 📉🌌 Get ready for the dumpster fire, folks! 🔥🔥 *#StonksToStinks*