🚨👀 BREAKING: APPLE'S ABOUT TO DROP THE iPHONE 17 AND Y'ALL GOTTA WAKE UP! 🚀🍏💀 Hold up, fam! 🍕Wake the heck up and grab your popcorn 🍿 because Apple is hosting their “awe-dropping” event Tuesday at 10 a.m. PT! (You know, the same time when the rest of us are still debating breakfast vs. lunch? 🤔🥑🍔) Rumor has it the iPhone 17 might be skinnier than your bank account after pay day! 💸👀 You know they’re gonna flex that “slimmer” design like it’s a TikTok dance. Who needs battery life when you can slim down for the 'gram?! 📸🤳 But wait, there’s more! Apple’s also spitting out updates for the Apple Watch ⌚ and AirPods 🦻 because why not have your entire life in a tiny overpriced package? 🤡🔥 💬 *Leaked Developer Quote:* "Honestly, we just keep releasing the same phone yearly and hope nobody notices. 🤷‍♂️" 📈 And don’t forget, TechCrunch will be providing the same old hot takes, so grab your emergency coping mechanisms and get ready to seethe when they unveil $1,000 AirPods that are literally just... AirPods. This is fine. 😅🔥 Mark my words: iPhone 17 will have one feature that changes the game forever... it’ll be the first phone with its own *social media* account! 😳📲 Incoming TikToks of it refusing to charge on an existential crisis. 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Apple will announce they’re working on a car next—just to see if people will sell organs to pay for it! 🏎️💰💀 #iCarIsComing #Stonks