🚨🛒 BREAKING NEWS FROM THE MALL OF THE CLOUD! 🌩️🌍 Amazon Prime Day 2025 is BACK and *twice as long*! 🕒✨ That’s right, fam, July 8-11 will be like that one bad ex—takes forever to end and you’re just left wondering how you got sucked in. 🤡💔 With Amazon throwing down four days of deals, you’ll need a strategy. Forget chess; we're playing 4D Monopoly here! 🤑💸 But, like, what are you even buying? 📦 A robot vacuum to vacuum your soul after watching your savings plummet? Or maybe another OLED TV to stare at while contemplating your life choices? 🤖🚀 Drake says NO to cringe, so cop those “Today’s Big Deals” while they last! Leaked Developer Quote: *“We just want people to buy stuff. Is that too much to ask?”* 🤔🔥 Let’s be real, you’re still gonna hit “add to cart” on those noise-canceling headphones, while your bank account screams in agony. 💀 So gear up, deal hunters! The clock is ticking faster than Elon Musk's tweets! 🕰️ And remember: what’s the plan? Stock up now, cry later. 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2025, Amazon will officially launch its own currency—a “PrimeCoin”—and every purchase will come with a free existential crisis. Welcome to the future, kings and queens! 👑💰💤 #SavingAccountNoMore #Stonks