🚨🍏🤡 **BREAKING: APPLE MESSIAHS BEG FOR FORGIVENESS AT "AWE-DROPPING" SERVICE** 🤡🍏🚨 Ladies and gents, it’s that time of year again! 🍏✨ The holy season of tangled MacBook cords and overpriced rectangular bricks is upon us as Apple officially *deBUTT* the iPhone 17 today at their rizz-fueled event: “Awe Dropping.” No cap, if you don’t tune in, are you even *living*? 😱📱 Mark your calendars to make sure you’re NOT working (because that’s for the weak). 🧑‍💻💀 The show kicks off at 1 PM ET, aka The Hour of the Gods. You can livestream it on Apple’s website or their YouTube, so there’s no excuse for missing the cringe-fest of Tim Cook trying to convince us why we NEED another camera for selfies that’ll just get filtered on TikTok. 🤳🔥 But wait, the iPhone 17 lineup is rumored to be packed with features like iOS 26—a software so advanced that even AI is like, “Nah, I’m good.” 🤖💻 Let’s drop the real tea: My *leaked* sources from the depths of the Apple HQ said, “We’ve run out of ideas, but this time it’s totally different—trust us.” 🥴💰 📈 R.I.P. stock prices if this launch flops. Get ready for some mega stonks or the ultimate cringe-fest. My prediction? Tim Cook will literally teleport to the stage. 🍟🚀 Share this insanity, fam! 🌍💥